Current mood:	confused
Current music:	None, Office silence

A Truthful Moment
Still tired.
Addicted now….jealousy now.

I do not want these feelings.

I haven’t been out of a relationship for more than a few days in 5 years.

Kira forced herself on me in 2001. Spring, after 6 months of being single. After the military I started dating Jess while I was still going out with Kira. Broke up with Kira over the phone cause I was a coward and it was eaiser. Jess and I dated until 2005, where she broke up with me and I had about 2 weeks of tortured alone time before I started “seeing” Rachel. Though it was a long distance relationship so I really was alone anyway. Still several visits and a lot of misguided promised commitment, and I realized that it was wrong, and I wasn’t in love, and that we were not going to work. Unfortunately yet again I was a coward and broke it off via phone, after I started see another girl.

So look at me. Sinner among the sinful. Am I afraid to be alone?

I think I am.

I am tired, at work, and bored. I am getting emotionally attached, but its leading to jealousy, something I hate, cause it make me angry. My angry is horrible. I have learned to manage it, but this may be pushing it.

I am not a good person. I don’t claim to be. Perhaps I will learn from this, but perhaps not.

I am going to get so drunk Friday, cause I haven’t ever done it before…and hell if this isn’t the year for firsts.