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Sprinklers Out The Window |
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Its time to be open.
Its what I need.
I need to clear the air.
I need to be done.
I am alone. Lost in a sea of darkness. Sometimes I see light, rays and shafts glinting through the nothingness.
Since Jess and I broke up, I have felt crushed, hurt, lost, tired. I have struggled day to day. I have grown.
Now I have a life for myself. I made it. I made this life for myself. I am hear because of me.
-No life is complete without its help, Clint: you have been my support, as always. Your friendship means more to me than perhapse anything, I know I would gladly give my life for yours, and I know you would do the same.
Jess: You were there for me during a impossibly hard point in my life. A point that I perhapse never came back from. Our relationship pushed me emotionally and mentally to be better. The way you handled breaking up with me be it good or bad taught me self-reliance, strength, and percerverance.
Rachel: You have entered my life during a period of huge change. Hopefully leading to a stable life. You have given me hope. Given me something to look forward to outside of work. You like me, even though I am crazy, and I hope some day you will love me.
My Parents: They have tested the family support structure. I know I can count on them after great personal tradgedy...but not long after. I must always rely mainly on myself to get through life, a lesson I needed.
To say I am over Jess is not the entire truth. Relationships are a bit like gun shot wounds, they may heal, but there always is a scar. As time passes the scar always gives a rich story to tell, and getting that scar was always a learning experiance.
So I am over her...but I am still forming the scar.
I am happy with my life....at least proffesionally. I do spend alot of time feeling alone. Getting friends her is slow going, the work hours have increased and traffic makes everything so far away.
Today I met with Jess again. This was the first time I had seen her since she left my life in a U-Hal moving van in December. I was a different person. So was she.
We talked, chatted, she came and saw the split up Merow family. Seems we both have new love intrests in our lives. It is amazing how time moves on.
In truth it was like meeting her again...for the first time, except looking into her head and knowning everything, well almost. Its different when you know.
Josh. Well what can I say. I like the guy, alot even. He has been a internet buddy for along time. So I know he will treat her well. I am happy for both of them.
Rachel. I have known Rachel for close on to 8 years. She was coolest girl in high school in my book. She laughed, was perverted, told jokes, and honestly had fun...ignoring the stupid social lines which I had always hated. As a huge plus she was cute, and adorable too. A southern accent like chocolate on strawberries; devine. She has entered my life again....my greatest downfall in High School was not being more upfront with how I felt.
Although in High School emotionally I was 12. Now, just maybe I am emotionally 23. Though distance seperates us, maybe through hard work, dedication, and good old fashion fun, she will be mine...like I always dreamed.
Rachel is the light in my life now. Although I have finnaly learned to live for myself, I hope that soon I can start including her in what I live for.
47 days Babe, then I will hold you.
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