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Ave Mariea |
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Work today brought the end to the omnipotenent feeling.
Situations that I have no ability to resolve, that I too have been in are so frustrating. People point their finger at me and say "So you are going to just let this happen?" and I have no recource but to say, "Unfortunatly I am unable to assist at this time." They retort, "you don't care its obvious by your response."
Not being able to explain myself fully and explain that I DO care and that I HAVE had that happen, and that I really CAN NOT help, is a very hubbling experiance. You are the face, they come to you, you have let them down, it is their right to be mad at you. I have worked all my life for eveyone to like me, this is the first time I have ever had to walk away. Being told "Please do NOT have a good rest of your day." Is like being held down and punched.
Still, for every bad there is a good. After fumbling through an extremely hard technical case in which I was reaching for solutions from the air, the guy I was trying to help said that I did an excellent job, and said thank you profucely. I was floored, I thought I had botched it. Ended on a high note.
Still having trouble sleeping though, just some thoughts jotted down:
Each night as I lay down to rest,
The silence kisses my eyelids like the suductive whisper of a beautiful death,
but sleep wont come,
My Memories come in waves,
They flood my thoughts, my peace, my room till I can no longer breathe,
I am touched by what was,
I am haunted by my mistakes,
Struggling to leave this ephemral plane I leap from my body,
Running through the halls of a Nightmare,
I cascade down a flight of stairs,
Exausted I look back fighting the fears of my past that are at my heels,
I wake up.
As trite and overworded as that probably is...its a caption from my nights. I pray that peace will find me soon, and that sleep will once again be the elegant desire I look forward too.
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